OHbaby! Forums : i’m at my wits end!!!!!! https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Fri, 17 Apr 2026 20:38:08 +0000 Sat, 01 Mar 2008 19:21:53 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.04 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=14884 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : Yep sometimes we do that too....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=315246&title=im-at-my-wits-end#315246 Author: busymum
Subject: 14884
Posted: 01 March 2008 at 7:21pm

Yep sometimes we do that too. We did it just this afternoon when everything was spiralling out of control - told the big girls to go to bed with a book but they didn't have to sleep, so they did and we let them back 20 mins later. What a relief!]]> Sat, 01 Mar 2008 19:21:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=315246&title=im-at-my-wits-end#315246 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : i treat &#034;time out&#034; as...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=315181&title=im-at-my-wits-end#315181 Author: lizzle
Subject: 14884
Posted: 01 March 2008 at 4:30pm

i treat "time out" as being a time out for me, rather than jake. I put him and I away from each other and the situation - i tell him that he can come out when he's calmed down. Sometimes he'll come out within a m inute and say sorry, at other times he'll stay there for over ten minutes. I donb't really consider it punishment as such. he goes into his bedroom.]]> Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:30:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=315181&title=im-at-my-wits-end#315181 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : Hey Vanessa the naughty matt doesn&#039;t...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=315139&title=im-at-my-wits-end#315139 Author: Rachael21
Subject: 14884
Posted: 01 March 2008 at 2:16pm

Hey Vanessa the naughty matt doesn't work here either my Jack will quite happily sit there and not change his behaviour so we started putting him in his room and that has worked so well. It hasn't made him hate his room either.]]> Sat, 01 Mar 2008 14:16:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=315139&title=im-at-my-wits-end#315139 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : ooo sneaky Charly!!!! *has...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314862&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314862 Author: busymum
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 10:15pm

ooo sneaky Charly!!!!

*has a little giggle*]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 22:15:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314862&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314862 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : Jake used to be the same with...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314827&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314827 Author: lizzle
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 9:48pm

Jake used to be the same with Taine, but we changed two things - started spending more one on one time with Jake - lots of things that taine can't do cause he's too young - we go on about what a "big boy" Jake is to be able to help me with the dishes/do some painting/come to the supermarket.
the second thing we kinda did - taine grew up and fights back - can't really take too much credit.]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:48:23 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314827&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314827 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : Jack&#039;s old enough that you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314818&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314818 Author: busymum
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 9:38pm

Jack's old enough that you can expect a lot of him. I would second getting down to his level and laying down the rule and consequence. Then you will have to follow through every time, even if he cries don't give in. I suspect he is trying to get negative attention from you, so removing you and Charli from where he is would probably do the trick.

As far as the naughty seat goes, you might need to stick to it rigidly for every little thing for a while (restating the boundaries). Is it in the lounge? You might need to move it just out of your eyeshot so he is not getting your attention whatsoever. Alternatively you could shut him in his bedroom for a couple of minutes - that way you are definitely "the boss".

It seems to me that he is not so much doing it because he is a "nasty boy" or doesn't know the rules etc, it seems that he's quite happy with the consequences generally but still does it anyway. If that's the case, you need to make sure you are giving him lots of positive attention. This is far more important than having good boundaries. See if you can stick with him for 1/2 hour a day of constant attention and help him to learn new things that only "big boys" can do (vs Charli). This will give him good attention, teach him stuff that he can then do on his own (AKA relieve his boredom, cause kids just want to learn), and give him a sense of pride/responsibility with his age instead of envying Charli as being the "baby" and therefore attention-winner.

Some ideas for that are (and you'll have to just pick and choose depending on what he's into):
Kicking a ball - Set up some kind of goal or line and see how far he can kick it or how fast he can run along with it (kicking) from A to B
Throwing and catching a ball
Drawing/tracing shapes and/or simple letters
Doing painting or drawing together
Playdough
Getting him to help clean windows (why do kids love this?!?! LOL)
Stack blocks as high as you can before they can fall over and have a competition who can get the highest tower
Teach him colours/shapes and recognise them in books etc
Jigsaw puzzles

Hopefully some of that helps!]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:38:28 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314818&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314818 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : My two do this as well, but my...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314797&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314797 Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 9:25pm

My two do this as well, but my Charly is the instigator!! AND she has discovered that if she thinks I can't see that "jake" has hurt her, she lies herself down and starts howling (and he is just ignoring her) so I come and tell Jake off!! I know cos I've seen her do it unbeknown to her twice this week!!!]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:25:01 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314797&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314797 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : I can tell you what daycare have...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314765&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314765 Author: mummy_becks
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 8:51pm

I can tell you what daycare have told me what they do with the kids there and i'm trialling it at home, as what you wrote is Andrew down to a tee.

When anything happens remove yourself and Charli out of the room and go and play somewhere else, let Jack calm down at give him no attention at all. As some children thrive on any attention be it positive or negative.

Once Jack has calmed down get him to say sorry and explain why he is has to say sorry.

Repeat every time it happens.

]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 20:51:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314765&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314765 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : LOL in our house Mercedes is the...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314728&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314728 Author: Maya
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 8:15pm

LOL in our house Mercedes is the dominant male, she pushes Sienna around, bites, hits etc. etc. Sienna does get her own back occasionally.

No advice here tho I'm afraid, Maya is old enough to be beaten soundly if she gets physical with the gremlins.

OK so maybe not beaten soundly, but you know what I mean...]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 20:15:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314728&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314728 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : I have found the exact same thing...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314478&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314478 Author: CuriousG
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 2:05pm

I have found the exact same thing Nikki, engaging in what they are doing, even if she is watching the Wiggles, I spend some time sitting and watching it with her and we chat about it.

I find that just by putting even a small amount of effort into getting involved, even for only 10 mins, she is much much better. And sometimes Ill sit for 10, do something for 10 and come back again. It works a treat!]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:05:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314478&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314478 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : I know. Effort. *pffft* ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314446&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314446 Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 1:04pm

I know. Effort. *pffft*]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:04:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314446&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314446 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : he he Nikki, bugger this needing...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314418&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314418 Author: peanut butter
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 12:32pm

he he Nikki, bugger this needing to put effort in huh? I have even noticed with Tom that if I have had him up and thoroughly engaged him and played with him rather than leaving him to his on devices he will go down for his sleeps without much fuss. Whether this is because he has had my attention or just becasue I can exhaust him more that he can himself who knows.]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 12:32:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314418&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314418 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : P.S. On the naughty seat not working...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314350&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314350 Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 11:25am

P.S. On the naughty seat not working thing... I really do think you just have to be vigilant with it so that you can get back to the warning being enough to affect behaviour, ya know?]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:25:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314350&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314350 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : OK, this may not work at all so...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314349&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314349 Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 11:25am

OK, this may not work at all so feel free to absolutely ignore me but I'll let you know what I have been doing with Hannah lately.

She's been pushing the limits a bit and I found myself resorting to bluffing and screeching, none of which worked. So I had to go right back to being a Mum who takes action.

So I have had a talk to Hannah about what sort of behaviour I expect from her (she's old enough to get this) and if I catch her doing anything then she'll be going to the corner.

If she does one little thing that is silly then I give her a warning, the next time she's in the corner. I don't wait for her to do something really naughty before I put her in there, but get it before the naughty stuff happens ya know?

It does require me getting off my butt. I also use 1, 2, 3... then action. Hannah knows that if I start counting and she hasn't done what I asked by the time I get to 3, then I will march over and make her do it myself. This allows her to be 'independent' but remain within my control.

The other thing is, often this sort of behaviour means that you need to be actively engaging both of them, instead of watching them play. Unfortunately this means a bit of effort on your part (something I am not entirely keen on ) but really does make a difference. The behaviour is a cry for attention from you. ('You' as in parents everywhere, not you specifically )

I hope you manage to get it under control. Nothing like having to re-establish boundaries... just to have them pushed right back again

Good luck xo]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:25:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314349&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314349 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : Sounds to me like he&#039;s being...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314338&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314338 Author: .Mel
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 11:08am

Sounds to me like he's being the dominant male and basically showing Charli who's boss, unfortunately he's not being very nice about it.

Charli is to young to stick up for herself just yet, so I'm afraid you may have to keep stepping in.
It be too that he sees you playing favourites, when all you are really doing is trying to control him..

Does he go to preschool at all? Perhaps he's bored with being at home with the girls?

I'm not too sure what you can do to stop this horrible behaviour. I was lucky enough that Conor was 7 when Nyah was born, so we are only just going thru the "it's mine" stage. They can normally work it out on their own.

Hmmm let me think about this one...]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:08:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314338&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314338 <![CDATA[i’m at my wits end!!!!!! : i&#039;ve been thinking about...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314336&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314336 Author: jack_&_charli
Subject: 14884
Posted: 29 February 2008 at 11:04am

i've been thinking about posting this for the last couple of weeks so i'm doing it now while the kids are at it again.......

i'm so so so sick of jack! he's forever pushing, hitting and taking toys away from charli and it's driving me insane! i don't like the mum i've turned into when it happens. i yell and scream at him the neighbours must think i'm the worst mum ever!

they will be running around chasing each other, laughing and playing nicely, then jack will start pushing charli and she falls over, or he'll grab her top and pull her down, then lie on her and bounce his head on her    so the constant crying from her drives me nuts, then when i tell jack off for it he starts crying also which pushes me over the edge

he is also ignoring me whenever i speak to him. if i ask him to come to me or do something, he just walks off.

i've tried the naughty seat and it doesn't work with jack, he goes there by himself and sits quite happily. i explain what he's done wrong and then 5mins later, he's at it again.   we've taken toys away from him, he doesn't care and plays with something else....pretty soon there'll be nothing left! now, i've also resorted to smacking his bum......i know this isn't good, but i've tried talking to him and explaining how it makes charli and me feel, but that's just not getting through either....so what's left to do??????   i've thought of just ignoring it, but i don't think that's fair on charli. DH and i feel it will stop when she starts pushing him back, but i could be in a mental institution by then!

any help, constructive critism grately appreciated]]> Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:04:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14884&PID=314336&title=im-at-my-wits-end#314336