RachandJack wrote: I disagree with everyone. What the problem is in NZ is that mothering is not an accepted job. Every woman who has a baby is going to miss out on money (that she could of had if she never had the baby) at some point. Yet the survival of our race is dependant on women having babies. Why isn't there more support for ALL mothers. Mothering is a full time job so why can't any woman get to stay home as long as she likes and still get credit for it. Mothers won't be able to make any contribution to kiwisaver, they miss out on job opportunities when off having babies etc. There should be a universal payment for mothers. It doesn't need to be huge but just enough to recognise that mothering is a job, probably the most important job there is.

Well said!!!  Its silly aye, even after being at home for 7 years now raising children, I still feel guilty in some ways that I am not contributing financially to our household  I am fortunate that DH earns a good wage, and I feel its a priviledge for me to stay at home as lots of mums I know dont have that option.  I also wonder what my options will be when all my babies are at school, I have no idea what I will do next?!?

Then yes tehy probably would be if they had to stay at home, but they look at daycare so they can stay off it.

I was the same lilfatty - when I used to hire people I was always thinking "are they going to get bored or think this job is beneath them"...

nikkiwhyte wrote: lilfatty wrote: in todays climate its not that hard to find flexible working hours. Ahhh see here's where I beg to differ. I believe it is REALLY hard to find flexible working hours. I consider my job really flexible but I still struggle at times. I doubt if I was a single mum with a limited education that a fast food chain/super market/large company would be quite so generous. After all, business is business and if a parent has to leave early, take extra sick days, potentially turn up to work more tired than a non-parent, they are effectively costing a company money. Now I'm not saying all employers think that way but definitely some. ETA and as a single mum I have very limited babysitting options.

I agree Nikki, and I think this is one of my main concerns with the policy. Even if at the moment employers are flexible....when there is suddenly a lot more people being forced back into the workplace, employers are going to be able to be a lot pickier and a lot less flexible. I suspect this will end up forcing single mums into low paying, low skilled jobs that arent flexible about childcare arrangements - which has all sorts of flow-on effects. I know a single mother who is on the DPB with 3 children under 7, she has 2 degrees, but struggles to find a job that allows her to care for her kids the way that she needs to (drop off  & pick up  kindy / school etc). She has no family in auckland to support her, so she has very few choices. She could work part time at a supermarket / retail etc, but she woudlnt earn enough to make the logistics of that work for them.

I also worry that children are going to end up being left at home, with neighbours, and in potentially unsafe situations, as mums struggle to get home from these so called "flexible" jobs!

Yeah i second that.

Before i had Briahna, i didnt know that couples didnt get the DPB lol. I thought it was for anyone who has a kid and stays at home with them lmao. How dumb was i..

I was really aiming towards the couples that both work.

Obviously, one income (unless it was huge) supporting a family is not going to go that far.

I guess in my own over the top way (and im sorry if i stepped on any toes) im trying to say that maybe we do have more help, but its not because we dont need it.

And i never meant that couples dont deserve it either. It just irks me that people seem to think us single parents are having a free ride and dont deserve the pittance we actually get. I dont feel sorry for myself (im over that ) asnd i dont expect anyone else to either.  I also dont hate couples lol (although i admit that maybe sometimes im a bit jealous)

 But i think sometimes those that are married or in a relationship take it for granted. If you have never been a single parent i dont think you would understand until it happened to you (which i wouldnt wish on anyone - except maybe my horrible 'friend' that wont pay me the money she owes me and lies to winz about her "not living with her partner", then the lazy cow might wake up and realise she cant just have a free ride her whole life).

*and breathe*

I get just enough to live. Just. As i have bills and what not, i cant even afford to buy food and completely rely on my flat mate to pay for it with his board.

Hes moving out this week too so sh*t knows what im going to do next week! lol.

Lilfatty, I understand what your saying but like you said it was your choice for your husband not to work. Maybe he should work part time? If you are that bad off, maybe him staying at home isnt the best idea?

I know that my friend has 2 kids, lives with her partner and he works full time and she works part time and they are fine. They are never complaining about money troubles and its not like they are in massively high paying jobs either, she works at a supermarket at night and has their yongest during the day and the oldest goes to daycare or maybe kindy im not sure.

Im not saying that everyone is like them, but you have to wonder sometimes, it could be your (meaning some people in general not aimed at ANYONE here) own fault you cant afford things, like what you spend your money on etc. Maybe if you cant afford something you shouldnt get it blah blah.

I have debt from years ago, which yes is my own fault and i am paying for it. Which is part of the reason i find it hard to live off what i get. They dont help me at all with that. Not one bit.

Honestly i really would like to know these people that get things handed to them from winz aye cause id like to know how they do it! lmao (just kidding).

Maya wrote: I also think there tends to be a "poor me" culture amongst single mums. Yes it sucks being on your own, and yes it's hard when you don't have another person there to offload bub on. Believe me, I had Maya in hospital and had to get one of the hospital grandmothers to sit with her so I could go and sit an exam at uni coz there was no one else that could do it, and don't even get me started on the total lack of sleep. It is really, really hard. But wallowing in self pity isn't useful, you just need to pick yourself up and get on with things. And it's also not much good resenting mothers who *aren't* parenting alone - it's not their fault!

Well i sure as hell am NOT wallowing in self pity thank you very much. And as for "resenting those who arent parenting alone", i dont. I just think that those who who do have partners and seem to want to bitch about what they dont get should maybe give single parents a break, maybe we do get extra help..But even with all this help we get it still isnt that easy for us either. We arent any better off than those of you who have partners or are married.

And i didnt even know that they pay for my study fee's, i was going to get a student loan anyways. Now that i know this.. sweet.

And i dont think i would want to stay at home with my child till shes six. Stuff that. Id rather work/study as soon as i can. I think that once kids are school age its a good idea that the parent should work because alot of people are just lazy and think they can pop out kids so they dont have to get a job.

Oh and for the record, i dont get things handed to me at all!! The week i moved into my house, i had to pay the letting fee which was ALL of my money (this was after taking a WHOLE day to move from Auckland/Port Waikato/Hamilton to Tauranga -5am till 2am the next day.. can you imagine the petrol costs lol) and so i went into winz to see if i could get a food grant. Even that was a fricken mission!

Why have you got no money? Letting fee

Why did you come in so late? (it was about 4pm)

Briahna wasnt well had to wait for my sister to COME HOME EARLY FROM WORK so she could watch her

Why didnt you get a neighbour to watch her?

What the f**k? Ive just moved into a new house im not leaving my daughter with strangers!

Why did you move from auckland? I hated it. and it was too expensive

Why did you get such an expensive house? Couldnt find anything cheaper, the house in front is a sh*t heap and FREEZING and that was 280 (ours is 295)

All the while treating me like im the scum of the earth because i want to feed myself and my child?

In the end i got it but not without a bloody fight.

I dont know who gets stuff "handed" to them. Cause i sure as hell dont.

They wouldnt even help me with paying for a cot or anything when i was about to have Briahna.

Lu you wil be fine as they said 15 hours working or studying.

That was before when DH wasn't working, I don't know how much it would be now we would miss out on.

I am the same, all of my study I have had to get a student loan for. I am elligable for a student allowance (all of $63 a week) but then if I take that we lose out on $140 of accom supliment and WFF money so not worth it.

If national get in Lu yep when James turns 6 you will have to be working.

I will add to the Training Incentive Allowance. I used to work for Student Services (it is now called Studylink) we had woman ring up and have to get loans to cover the rest of their fees as the TIA dfidn't cover their fees (and this was back in 2001). TIA is about $3000 a year. At Massey at the moment your course fees for the year are about $4000+ depending on what you study. That doesn't cover books, etc so the TIA does not cover everything.

lilfatty wrote: MelanieAndBree wrote: Yess.. exactly. Im on a budget, and most weeks i can barely afford to get food for myself let alone pay off a loan. I too havnt bought any thing for my self since before Briahna was born! If i relied on a job and didnt get any kind of "special treatment" as some seem to think it is then id never have the time or money to do any study as my pay would be going straight on child care, loans, rent, bills and neither me or my child would be able to eat. So my study to further my education and get a better paying job just wouldnt happen.   I too have those problems .. and will never be able to upskill unlike those who receive this "not special treatment" Nikki ... Before I had Isabelle ... I was completely for helping out those in need and even though under another government I would have been better off I always supported Labour as they helped those who needed it. HOWEVER now that I have Isabelle and see all the help that goes to "those in need" I think hell ... I could do with a helping hand too but Im obviously poor but not quite poor enough Pearls ... your Dad is/was a Im always amazed how people cope without family nearby... Ive supported my brother when he needed help .. My brother and I supported Mum and Dad when they were in need .. and now my brother and my parents help DH and I ... its just sad that those people who dont have family near (those on working visas for example) dont get any help when things get tough. (Which I dont understand .. they pay tax too).

So you people with your partners and 2 incomes should get all the help you want and then us singles should get nothing.

Will you be happy then?

 I HAVE to rely on this so called special treatment because without it id be SCREWED. You dont have it.. are you completly screwed? can you not afford rent, or anything? NO. Can you feed and clothe your child? Obviously, otherwise you wouldnt be sitting here on a computer using the internet.

If i didnt get my special treatment, i would be.

I didnt ASK to be a single mother on the benefit. I didnt tell my ex to piss off and leave me like this. So quit moaning about what your not getting and think yourself lucky you have a god damn partner to help support you and your family.